Going home for the holidays isn’t all turkey, holiday decorations, and political arguments discussions. It also comes with requests for tech support and questions like “Why does my computer do this?” and “I read about this AI — what is that?”
Think of it as an opportunity rather than a burden. If you’re like many people, you get tech support calls from frustrated parents or grandparents all year long. This is your chance to make sure things are set up so that, when you do get that call in a month or two, you can more easily fix things — or help your parents fix it themselves.
Make sure everything is updated
It’s important to keep computers, phones, and apps updated — but your parents may not have automatic updates turned on, or they may distrust the pleas from their tech to install an update. Here’s how to make sure that their computers and phones are set for automatic updates so that you, and they, don’t have to worry about it.
- Go to System Settings > General > Software Update > Automatic Updates
- Select either Install macOS updates or Install Security Responses and system files to have those install automatically
- If you’d prefer to give your parents the choice, you can also select Download new updates when available.
- Go to Settings > General > Software Update > Automatic Updates.
- If you toggle on Automatically Install, it will install software and system updates as they’re available. Toggle it off, and software updates and system files will Automatically Download but need to be installed manually. You can also choose Automatically Install for just system files.
For a Windows 11 computer
- Select the Start menu and choose Settings.
- If you don’t immediately see Windows Update, type it in the search box.
- Toggle the box on that reads Get the latest updates as soon as they’re available.
- You can also go to Advanced options if you want your parents to get updates for any other Microsoft products, have the system notify them when a restart is required, or choose the hours when the computer is active (so they won’t be surprised by a sudden restart).
- Most system updates will occur automatically — but not always. To check to see if the system has updated on a Pixel (or many other Android phones), go to Settings > System > Software updates. You can also check for App updates here.
- If you want your parents’ apps to update automatically, open the Play Store app, select the personal icon in the upper right corner, then go to Settings > Network preferences > Auto-update apps. You may want to stick with Update over Wi-Fi only.
- The process is similar for Samsung phones. If you’re using the Galaxy Store, go to Settings > Auto update apps and select Using Wi-Fi only.
One of the most frightening things for many adult children is the thought that their elderly relatives may be vulnerable to the many scams circulating. Calls from “Microsoft” about a virus that was “detected,” or from the “IRS” about a tax debt that is about to trigger an arrest, or from a bank that needs their help foiling a con game — they are still out there. (Just the other day, a friend told me that her mother got a call that she believed was from her bank and that instructed her to withdraw her entire account and put it on a gift card. Luckily, an alert bank teller prevented a disaster.)
There are a variety of resources available to educate yourself and your parents about avoiding becoming a victim of fraud — and what to do if it happens. One resource for older adults is the AARP Scams & Fraud page, which has a number of resources for older adults and their children, such as a weekday phone helpline, an article about holiday-related scams, and specific examples of people who were hit by various types of cons.
You should be prepared to act if your parents have already become victims (or if you have!). Tasks include putting a fraud alert or security freeze on credit reports, contacting banks and credit card companies, and changing passwords.
It helps to have on hand the contact information for the three main credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion), and a list of all your parents’ bank and credit card accounts. If your parents are okay with it, you can contact those companies and have them grant you access to your parents’ accounts (some let you do it online; most require you to do it on the phone with your parent present). That way, you won’t have to talk your panicked parents through the process; you can do it yourself.
Finally, install a password manager and make sure that your parents aren’t using a single password for all of their accounts. That’s just asking for trouble.
Teach them how to reboot and/or disconnect
When I was helping my 90-something-year-old mother with her tech, I found that one of the easiest ways to fix many problems was to simply teach her how to disconnect and reconnect her computer, her router, and other devices. While there may be other ways to fix, say, a misbehaving app or hardware, a soft reset like this can fix many bugs. I can’t tell you how often I got a proud call from my mom saying she had fixed her computer that way.
Set them up for remote control
Sometimes, especially if things get really complex, it’s better to fix things yourself. While you’re home, set up your parents for remote control so you can take over when necessary. That includes installing the apps and ensuring your parents understand how they work.
Remote control on Windows 11
Windows comes with a Quick Assist app that lets you take over somebody else’s screen.
- On your computer, hold down Windows key + Ctrl + Q. Over the phone, instruct your parents to do the same.
- On both ends, you’ll see a pop-out window with Get help and Help someone on it. On your end, select Help someone.
- You’ll get a security code. Have your parents type in the code where it says Get help. and select Submit.
The simplest way to help your parents remotely is to use Apple’s Screen Sharing app.
- On your parents’ Mac, go to Settings > General > Screen Sharing. (If you have trouble enabling Screen Sharing, make sure Remote Management is disabled.)
- Under Allow access for select Only these users, and make sure your ID (and anyone else’s you want them to be able to call on) is selected.
- On your end, make sure you have your parents’ Apple ID (you can find it when you turn their Screen Sharing on, listed just under the Screen Sharing On heading).
- If your parents need help, open your Screen Sharing app, select the plus button, and add your parents’ ID. Note that they must grant permission before you can access their screen.
If you need more sophisticated access, you can use Remote Management instead. You can find instructions here.
Remote control via Chrome Remote Desktop
If you and your parents use the Chrome browser, you can use Google’s Chrome Remote Desktop app to help troubleshoot their computer. You can either install the app on both computers or you can run it directly from the browsers.
- Go to https://remotedesktop.google.com/support/.
- You’ll see two boxes: Share this screen and Connect to another computer. Have your parents select the button in the top box that says Generate Code.
- They’ll get a 12-digit code that they should read to you. Enter it in the Connect to another computer field.
Set them up for emergency contact
If you don’t live near your parents — or even if you do — at some point, you may want to set them up so that you’ll be automatically contacted in an emergency.
You can set up your parents’ iPhones so that if they need to call 911 or other emergency services, you will automatically be notified.
- Open the Health app and select Medical ID. (You can put in any necessary medical information here.)
- Look for Emergency Contacts and select Add (or Edit). Put in your contact info.
- You can also set up your parents’ phones to call emergency services if they simultaneously press the side and volume buttons, or if they press the side button five times. However, keep in mind that if your parents are not comfortable with phones, it may be easier to have them simply call 911.
To add emergency contact information:
- Go to Settings > Safety & emergency > Emergency contacts.
- Add your contact information.
- Use the Change settings link at the bottom of the page to open the Emergency info access page. Here, you can allow the emergency contacts to be visible without unlocking the device or share the info with first responders when an emergency call is made.
- From there, select the Emergency Location Service link to enable the phone to automatically send out its location when emergency services are contacted.
- Go back to the Safety & emergency page to use features such as Emergency SOS (which will contact emergency responders after pressing the Power button five times) and to register medical information.
If your parents wear an Apple Watch, a Pixel Watch, or another smartwatch, you may be able to set up emergency contacts there as well, depending on the device and its OS.
Many smart home devices will let you configure them so parents and others can quickly contact emergency services or emergency contacts. For example, I set up two Echo devices in my mother’s apartment so that she could say “Call Barbara!” anywhere she was, and it would automatically call my phone.
To arrange for that sort of setup you’ll need the Alexa app on both yours and your parents’ phones:
- Open your parents’ Alexa app and select the More icon (the three parallel lines on the bottom of the Home screen).
- Select Communicate > Call.
- Add yourself as a contact if you’re not there already.
- Now your parents should be able to say “Alexa, call [your name]” to their Echo device and it will call your phone. (Note: It’s a good idea to test it to make sure it’s working — sometimes, setup doesn’t go quite as smoothly as it should.)
Naturally, different smart home devices will have other setups, so it’s a good idea to do a little research.
- Be respectful and keep in mind that the latest isn’t necessarily the greatest as far as your parents are concerned. Remember that they didn’t grow up in the 19th century — there have been personal computers around since the 1970s, and the first Windows system came out in the mid-1980s. But they may not have kept up with the latest tech. Some may welcome advice on using new devices and software, but for others, sometimes it’s better to leave well enough alone. For example, if they would rather not deal with AI, but what they are doing works for them, don’t force it.
- Speaking of AI — if you’re tired of dealing with their tech issues, don’t just throw them a bot and assume that will solve all your problems. To begin with, the bot may get something wrong — and if your parent follows those directions, it could make things worse. Second, remember that part of the point of calling you and asking “How do you do this?” may be an excuse just to stay in touch.
- Motion smoothing has been a bane of cinephiles for years now. If you’re unfamiliar with this term, it’s a way that TVs reduce motion blur — and while it may help with fast-moving sports, it can really do unfortunate things to your favorite movie. We ran an article back in 2018 on how to turn motion smoothing off, and while naturally the software has changed since then, you should still be able to find the settings. Just be aware that some TV operating systems may have made it impossible to correct this feature.
- Teach, don’t do. Grabbing the phone from your parents and just fixing something may seem easier, but it means you’re going to get a call within a month when things go wonky again. If you show them how to do something — and better yet, give them written instructions or point them at a useful video — they may be able to do it themselves next time.
- Finally, try to be patient. It can be hard work getting older. And if you’re lucky enough, you may be in the same situation someday.
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